Chasing Dreams: Chasing the Unknown

I'm a girl in my second decade

Amidst the vast chaotic brocade

Half-hearted, I set on foot

By land or by water, I am aloof

Straight faced, I look brave

At the back of my mind I am scared

Where do I start? forward right, forward left?

If I step backwards, will it get me there?

How do I know where to go

Shall I run or shall I walk?

Knees and palm on the ground

Is this how I must trace the world abound?

How do you chase the unknown?

If i look at the stars will I recall?

Will my heart beat at the sight of it?

Or must I make another and learn to live it?

Self Esteem Rebuilding Fucking Day One

I'm afraid....

I'm bordering dysthymia already...Why is it muy muy muy deficil to forget the thought that someone left me. It's not even about that someone. I swear I don't care about him anymore. But still, I feel so unworthy..of anything...anyone...So, I now understand what those difficult patients really feel inside. Tss.

Been fighting this sullen feeling for months...been on counseling...been on Vs, which didn't even help a bit...been eating chocolates everyday....but "it" keeps on coming back. Whenever I could feel a stretch of daylight, "it" instantly drags me down...it's so heavy I am really having a hard time pulling myself up.

I wish I could cure myself. I'm ashamed that I need help. I'm ashamed that I'm depressed...when I'm supposed to be the one helping people get well. But I can't....I can't..I need help too.



And I hate it ='(

Life lately

is...

Monotonous. 

WWOOORRRKKK.. every morning. every afternoon. every evening. every early morning. and same goes for the other day.

I don't even know how to say the word "work" in a very exciting tone already. It just sounds blah.

Monotonous. Yup, that's the word to describe lately. And so is my creativity levels. I bet it's so apparent in this nonsensible post.

No, my days are actually filled of peaks of ups and downs. Am I bordering Bipolar already? Haha. 

I'm disappointed. I'm very disappointed.

And I don't want it anymore. Just because I hate feeling intensely happy then I have to feel alone and sad again. I hate that cycle. I really hate that.

So I don't want it anymore. Ad infinitum.

Whatever that is about...I'd rather be mum about it.

Yes, this post was made not because I care what you will think. I just really need to purge these heavy feeling out before I drown myself to another hellish report.