A Half Day in Solitude

Three months ago, I wrote on my journal "How do you let go and fall in love at the same time?" And three months ago, I held that statement since that was the time when my former beau and I were spending out last days together in Intramuros, a special place for both of us. And yes, that was the time when we were utterly expressing our love for each other while saying our long goodbyes. Actually, reminiscing those moments felt like watching a sad romantic movie. (You know like those old american romantic movies in black and white. The mushier, "corny-er" -- better depiction)

And yesterday, I went back to that place. By myself. I just had to unload the residual feelings from moving on to a place where I know those emotions are entwined. I just had to deal with my feelings on "our spot", cry with it, sulk in it, and after hours...leave it there. I was very emotional and I won't deny that at some point, I began to get teary-eyed. The mere sight of the place truly brings back a lot of wonderful memories, which sadly are, just memories now. 

As I sit on the wall over looking the Manila City Hall and the vast golf course, I closed my eyes and let the feeling of the cold breeze take me. I tried to feel him beside me, so I could talk to him, for one last time. I wrote him a long, tearful, but loving letter..as if I was really talking to him. I wish he could read it. But maybe..I should let him go on with his life, and try not to drag him back to "our past". 

After the hours of saying my final goodbyes to him, I was able to smile and appreciate the beautiful place. Maybe, this will always be a special place for me. Me, alone. And maybe, yes, you can let go and fall in love at the same time. Let go of the sad and resentful feeling while you fall in love with the feeling of hope and peace. 

Perhaps, you can't really ask for closure from another person. Maybe, we are all meant to make our own efforts to find closure to every painful event. Because in doing so, we find our way to the new chapters of our lives. 

This is my way of saying goodbye. "Thank you for the wonderful memories" and "see you  around".