I've learned some things about forgiveness yesterday that just strucked me right smack at the center point of the ball park.
Forgiveness is not about crossing some lines off your list of mistakes...
Forgiveness is absolute...
Forgiveness leads relationships to greater paths...
Forgiveness starts with yourself.
And maybe that is why I find it so difficult to forgive people. Because I also have a hard time taking guilt off myself. Consequently, I cannot simply forego of negativity, and worse, I carry it on like a large rump sack hovering on my shoulders.
And thankfully, that lead me to understanding what I had been feeling for days already. Ok, so I'm scared. Really scared. Say, I'm in a point where I can almost feel that I'm giving my whole self again to "insert thing/person." And that leaves me so scared -- to trust again. And I reckon that it's because I haven't really forgiven myself yet, for making a mistake of wanting/loving something/someone (ok, I'm not ready to clear this one out here. sorry. so let me sound vague) and hurting myself along the process. Yes, I blame myself for things, for almost everything. Which is not really healthy. And which, leaves me looking distant and indifferent to people/things which are in reality, very dear to me.
So I guess that for the next days, I have to try to be kind-er to myself and little by little, accept that being hurt was not all my fault. And oh, be less grumpy and indifferent.
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