Say, I'm in a point where I'm starting to question if attaining success and dreams are really possible. I've always thought that my current job has always been my "dream job," and that this is en route to a bigger scheme of achievement. I don't know if I'm setting my bars a little too high or low, but what's clear to me right now is that, I'm not happy. And as much as I want to delude myself that I'm perfectly contended with being one of the youngest in my field, I could barely whisper that I'm proud of myself and what I have become.
Yes, I'm proud of what I have gone through, and getting everyday. Sure, I get nice pay check. Sure, I get the entitlement that I've been wanting since four years ago. Sure, I get to fulfill my life goal of helping people. Sure, I can get on with work despite my daily stress.
But no, I'm not proud of crying every day after work without knowing why.
I'm not proud of getting grumpy without knowing why.
Simply put, I'm not happy.
I'm not sure if this is just "stress" creeping on my nerves and making me all defiant to do my tasks..I'm not sure If I'm really wanting something else.
But I'm sure that whatever this is about, I should not shrug it off. I should deal with it deeper. And perhaps sulk in it if I have to.
Thus, I'm officially deferring my judgment and plans..Despite my inclination to be obsessive compulsive, I know that at this point, I have to go beyond being level-headed.
This isn't about love, nor myself. This is about what I want to do for the rest of my days, or life.
I have to know what's in my heart.
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